4 Ways to Work on Your Hate/Love Relationship with Yourself

The Bible says, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”angry

Apparently, I hate everyone.

Please don’t take it personally.  It’s not you, it’s me.  I have therapist confirmation that I hate myself, so that means I hate all of you.

Since I don’t want to hate everybody – ideally, I don’t want to hate anybody – I need to stop hating myself.

Lifehacker has some good tips for moving from self-hatred to self-respect.

  • Find a place to reset your mind – Like Billy Joel said, “Some folks like to hide away, take a holiday from the neighborhood.”  Is there a place you can go where you can get over yourself?  Seriously.  You are not the center of the universe.  Where can you go to help you put yourself into perspective?  I love the ocean, but it’s not always an option for Landlocked Me.  My backyard is another spot that works for me – I can view the trees.  And when the weather sucks, I’ll grab my Nook, head to Starbucks, and just read while I enjoy my latte.
  • Identify your niche – It all goes back to the concept of figuring out who you are and where you want to be.  As you’re examining these answers, you’re taking an honest view of yourself.  That includes discovering the good things about yourself.  Believe it or not, you do have good qualities.  Make a list of your positive traits is a great way to prove to yourself that you are not the total piece of garbage you try to convince yourself you are.
  • Attack your preconceptions – Too many times, we focus on the fact that we are not the best at anything.  Instead, we ought to focus on the fact that we are not the worst at anything.  In the grand scheme of the world, is it really worth it to be beating yourself up over one shortcoming?

When my boys were babies, I would call myself The Worst Mother in the World.  Then I saw news clips of women who killed or abused their children, and it put me back into perspective.  Compared to those women, there was no way I consider myself The Worst Mother in the World.  Hopefully,  you’re not dealing with such extremes, but if you look around, you can see that, in reality, you realize that you are overdramatizing what you believe to be a flaw.

Hopefully,  you’re not dealing with such extremes, but if you look around, you can see that, in reality, you realize that you are overdramatizing what you believe to be a flaw.  I’ll be posting self-loving quotes to remind us not to dwell in the muck.

  • Stop caring what other people think – Look at the savagery of the internet trolls.  Way too many people think they need to tear other people down to build themselves up.  You can’t please everyone, so focus on the most important person to please – yourself.

Is moving from self-hate to self-love a quick fix?  Of course not.  We’ve gotten ourselves entrenched in seeing the glass half-empty (or, in some cases, the glass is broken and lying on the floor), and it’s going to take time and effort to move in a new direction.

But oh, it is definitely worth it.